Saturday, April 2, 2011 | By: Mary Wright

"Hidden" Illnesses

Yesterday, my ex-husband posted this to his Facebook wall:

YOU DON'T LOOK SICK?! No, I don't. It's hard to explain to someone when they have no clue. It's a daily struggle feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (Anxiety, P.T.S.D.,Lupus, Fibromyalgia, IC, Chronic Fatigue, Diabetes, Crohns, Arthritis, Menieres, IBS, Epilepsy, Sarcoid, MS, Depression...PCOS
It really touched me, when I saw it.  For the longest time, I thought I was just "lazy" (and I may have been...I do have a tendency towards laziness), but for a long time, how do you explain that you are tired when you just slept 14 hours a day.  Small things like that.  Perhaps if I hadn't isolated myself somewhat in Vacaville, and I had had been bold enough to ask my ex for the trips, I might have been diagnosed earlier.
But when you start believing it in yourself, that you are lazy, can't do stuff, and just sit back, and let it take over becomes a hard habit to break.  But now, that I know I have a known condition, Fibromyalgia, and others that are secondary, either diagnosed, or still working towards diagnosis (depression -- is it bipolar, or complete meds messing with my moods/etc.  Plantar Fasciitis on my feet.  Pain Problem with my back, that my shins, that they cannot seem to diagnose...I could list more...but those are my primary problems).
When I read the post on his wall, I cried...because he understood now.  And he's going through his own problems...another form, in a sense...He is suffering from PTSD.  He used to tell me to "suck it up" on the pain, now, he says it's understandable, and a lot more so, because now we know "why" I have the pain.  But I would not wish to have what he has....nightmares, sometimes just random jerks, because a shadow lays the wrong way, and reminds his subconcious....that sort of thing.
Thank you, Ken, for posting that.  I cried when I read it...and am now, also.  There's people out there who have, and who understand! 

*cries* I want

Gods, another one I want from here.

FreeCycle Works!

I wanted to give 2 people a very special thank you tonight, although they may never see it.  So when I say thank you to these 2 FreeCyclers, I am actually saying "Thank You" to all of you who do, both giving and recieving.  It's what makes it work!

First, I wanted to say Thank You to the first person today I had written.  She had promised a set of books, at a time where I am in a reading sprint (and definitely jonesing for a Kindle or a Nook).  She gave me a large "happy birthday" gift bag full of books from Dan Brown, Sherrilyn Kinyon, a book called "wicked" from Nancy Holder & Debbie Viguie.  She also had left a box of diapers, and a bag of little ballet shoes.  I had only asked for the books, found these with them, and thought "Okay, I will complete the cycle, and freecycle these"...then I remembered a friend who had a child a bit ago...and another who has 2 girls, that *maybe* the ballet flats would work for...what little girl wouldn't like the shoes, even if not taking maybe.

Then another person posted about how she is moving, and had new items still in boxes.  I looked at it, and saw the food scale, and the electric hot pot...and sometimes you kinda skim the rest, except I saw a clock with shelf.  So I kindof thought "this has to be too good to be true"....or that I wouldn't be the first person.  Whoot, I got picked, and she was happy to work with my schedule.  So I stopped by at about 11:30pm...and there they were.  Thing I didn't know that I needed until I got the box!  Corkboards, a chafing dish, bath oils and sprays, that hot pot, that food scale...and it just feels great, when you get boxes like that, and see all the's like christmas!

So, I wanted to say thank you to these 2 great people...and to those who have given to me before, those 2 that did today, and those who will see mine in the future (especially hoping that there will be a portable dvd player and a Net10 phone person in that future...since those are my pendings...*laughs*).  And I will continue my end of the circle, by sending out my donations, whether to my friend who's roommate could use those diapers, or items from my house, going out to the email circle.

Again, thank you for your support, FreeCyclers!

I Believe!

Behold the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), today’s fastest growing carbohydrate-based religion.

Just a Wonderful Boyfriend

I am sure a lot of you have, or had, a husband/boyfriend/son who's mission is to control the remote.  Well, I have to tell you, I have a great boyfriend on that aspect. 

We have a 72 inch television in our..4ft by 4ft (okay, a tiny bit bigger) living room, and a ..I think a 36 inch tv in our bedroom, which I think is larger than the living room.  The reception in the bedroom is lousy...erm...i mean, for some reason, the picture is fuzzy, although like a dvd player hooked up, it's clear.  My boyfriend generally will go upstairs, if I am using the downstairs, or vice versa, so we have our own choice of what to watch.

But sometimes, when I am downstairs, and not really watching it, he will start watching the tv.  Not "controlling" it, like some men, that when they walk in the door, the remote becomes attached until bedtime (and beyond).  He just will choose a show...and 5 minutes later (usually during a commercial) will flip to another show.  He ends up watching about 3 shows in a half an hour, or will watch about 2 minutes of one show, then change it.  Usually right in mid-sentence.  It does get aggravating, because I don't know how he keeps up, or how he can watch 2 minutes of one show, be interested enough to watch that 2 minutes, then change it at commercial, or before, and not return to it.

So, today, he changes it from Dukes of Hazzard, to the Nanny, to a couple of other things, leaving it on Star Trek The Next Generation, where Q sends the Enterprise to see the Borg.  It was at the part where the first Borg had come on board, and was starting to gain information on the ship, when my boyfriend fell asleep.  So, I was happy, I got to finish something.

I got to watch the rest of that, then America's Funniest Videos, the Matrimonial show came on...watching videos of wedding funnies.  I was reading my email, and watching that show, when all of a sudden, the channel changes.  Then changes.  It went to 3...then 33...then 333...then 33...etc.  I look over, and he had rolled over, and his hand was pressed against the remote, changing the channel in his sleep.

I swear, most men would change the channel in their sleep, just to keep the women from watching the shows they want, my boyfriend does!


Simple. I Want.

It's Dangerous to Go Alone. Take This Kitten.